At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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