omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
