Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
