so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
