Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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