so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize
