Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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