He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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