she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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