How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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