We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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