I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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