So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
