her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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