My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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