The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
