i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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