Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
