I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
