who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
