i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
