Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
