You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
