now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
