Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
