Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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