dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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