This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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