last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
