your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
