Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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