I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
