well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
