dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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