I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
