I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
