Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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