What tipped you off? The sombrero?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
