how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
