he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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