i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
