Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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