Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
