Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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