Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize