he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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