his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
