don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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