so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
