I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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