I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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