I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
