is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
