I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
