just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He passed out mid-signature
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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