Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize