My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
