I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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