hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
