I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
