you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
