OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He better not be in your backpack
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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