You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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