I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
