You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize