I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
