I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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