so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
