i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
