Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
